Dialing In

Today we no longer deal with radios with a manual dial. I remember having to carefully turn the radio dial clockwise then a bit counterclockwise then back again until finally I would get to the right frequency to hear the radio station without static. It took some effort to get a clear signal. I was struck recently by the amount of noise that we tolerate in our conversations. Sitting with a group of people I was amazed at the amount of distractions and simultaneous conversations or multi-tasking. It felt wonderful when in the midst of that noise I felt as if someone had taken the time to dial in to what I was saying. Dialing in takes effort. We have to adjust, listen to feedback, and adjust again until we can clearly hear the message. Before we can fully understand it takes time to clearly hear...and that takes a conscious effort to dial in. Does it seem like you are no longer on the same frequency with your friend, spouse, co-worker? Perhaps it is time to adjust the dial.

Connections - The Secret To HS?

I just spent some time this weekend re-connecting with many of my classmates from high school. I loved high school! What a great group of people. I am not just reflecting back through some rose colored glasses. School can be great...and it was.

So what made it that way? The Center For Disease Control completed a comprehensive longitudinal study of over 36,000 adolescents and report the following: “Of all the protective factors examined, school connectedness was found to be the strongest protector against substance use, school absenteeism, early sexual initiation, violence, and risk of unintentional injury (such as drinking and driving or not wearing seat belts).

- School connectedness was second in importance, after family connectedness, in protecting adolescents from emotional distress, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation and attempts.

- Research also shows a strong relationship between school connectedness and educational outcomes, including school attendance; staying in school longer; and higher grades and classroom test scores.”

Connectedness…that seems to be the secret sauce. We all need to have that personal sense of belonging. It begins with that core principle that drives our organization – unconditional positive regard.

In our digital world we have an opportunity to make contact to so many people. But contact is not connection. Caring, accepting, listening, understanding, is needed to go beyond mere contact to meaningful connection. I hope you are able to say, like me, “I loved high school.”

http://cdc.gov/healthyYouth/AdolescentHealth/connectedness.htm

Ouch!!! Sweet!!

I listened to the discussion of a high school peer group wrestling with the issue of maintaining connection with a group of fellow students but then wanting to reframe the conversation away from negative talk about another student. This can be difficult. To have influence you want to be connected and nonjudgemental. One suggestion came out that simply expressing the feeling in the midst of the conversation with the simple word, "ouch", may be enough to shift the conversation. For example; Sam: "I can't believe how retarded that girl acts." Josh: "Ouch" Sam: "What hurt?" Josh: "retarded? - ouch." Sam: "Okay, hey, what are your plans for Friday?" We may not even need to explain...simply stating ouch let's people know that our words have emotional consequences. I know it works in the opposite way...we often give words of affirmation (oh yeah, sweeeet, awesome) without even thinking about it during a conversation. Sometimes we all just need some subtle feedback to improve our awareness of the impact of our words. Try it....perhaps you will shift from, ouch!!! to sweet!!