Getting Off the Line

I watched some football over the last few weeks. Football makes for some great metaphors. Have you noticed that the players never stay in their three point stance for very long. Why is that? Well for one, it is somewhat difficult to do. It also makes you stiff and slower to get off the line if you hold the stance too long. I heard a speaker use the 3 point stance metaphor to talk about the need for action in order for change to acutally happen. We often get ourselves pumped for a new change effort but find ourselves hesitant to actually get started. We can change, we do have a choice. After we have identified what it is that we want to change the key is not to become frozen at the scrimmage line. We need to move. Like a football game it will mean getting back to the line and moving off again and again. Then change will happen. As we approach 2011 I hope you focus not just on what you want different but how you will get off the line again and again to make it happen. One tip - sometimes this takes someone who has a whistle or moves the ball to remind you to get off the line. You don't have to make the journey alone. Ask for a partner to remind you of the action that is needed. You may find yourself actually changing and enjoying the journey as well.

Human Energy

I heard a discussion today about the power we have to transmit energy to one another. Before you begin thinking I have gone off the deep end let me explain. We are wired to be connected. We are constantly seeking cues from our environment and most importantly from each other. Ever notice a herd of deer or a flock of birds? They are very attentive to the emotional cues of each other. At the first indication of fear...the birds fly away as a group. When you enter the room or a conversation - are you transmitting negative energy-bringing the group down or positive energy that is uplifting? More people are watching and keying off your "vibes" then you may realize. There is also something amazing about false energy...people can pick up on it. In general, we have an amazing antenna that can pick up on transmitted energy and decipher real from false. I am focusing on providing a positive energy wherever I go...one that encourages, uplifts, and brightens the lives of others.

Dialing In

Today we no longer deal with radios with a manual dial. I remember having to carefully turn the radio dial clockwise then a bit counterclockwise then back again until finally I would get to the right frequency to hear the radio station without static. It took some effort to get a clear signal. I was struck recently by the amount of noise that we tolerate in our conversations. Sitting with a group of people I was amazed at the amount of distractions and simultaneous conversations or multi-tasking. It felt wonderful when in the midst of that noise I felt as if someone had taken the time to dial in to what I was saying. Dialing in takes effort. We have to adjust, listen to feedback, and adjust again until we can clearly hear the message. Before we can fully understand it takes time to clearly hear...and that takes a conscious effort to dial in. Does it seem like you are no longer on the same frequency with your friend, spouse, co-worker? Perhaps it is time to adjust the dial.

Connections - The Secret To HS?

I just spent some time this weekend re-connecting with many of my classmates from high school. I loved high school! What a great group of people. I am not just reflecting back through some rose colored glasses. School can be great...and it was.

So what made it that way? The Center For Disease Control completed a comprehensive longitudinal study of over 36,000 adolescents and report the following: “Of all the protective factors examined, school connectedness was found to be the strongest protector against substance use, school absenteeism, early sexual initiation, violence, and risk of unintentional injury (such as drinking and driving or not wearing seat belts).

- School connectedness was second in importance, after family connectedness, in protecting adolescents from emotional distress, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation and attempts.

- Research also shows a strong relationship between school connectedness and educational outcomes, including school attendance; staying in school longer; and higher grades and classroom test scores.”

Connectedness…that seems to be the secret sauce. We all need to have that personal sense of belonging. It begins with that core principle that drives our organization – unconditional positive regard.

In our digital world we have an opportunity to make contact to so many people. But contact is not connection. Caring, accepting, listening, understanding, is needed to go beyond mere contact to meaningful connection. I hope you are able to say, like me, “I loved high school.”

http://cdc.gov/healthyYouth/AdolescentHealth/connectedness.htm

Ouch!!! Sweet!!

I listened to the discussion of a high school peer group wrestling with the issue of maintaining connection with a group of fellow students but then wanting to reframe the conversation away from negative talk about another student. This can be difficult. To have influence you want to be connected and nonjudgemental. One suggestion came out that simply expressing the feeling in the midst of the conversation with the simple word, "ouch", may be enough to shift the conversation. For example; Sam: "I can't believe how retarded that girl acts." Josh: "Ouch" Sam: "What hurt?" Josh: "retarded? - ouch." Sam: "Okay, hey, what are your plans for Friday?" We may not even need to explain...simply stating ouch let's people know that our words have emotional consequences. I know it works in the opposite way...we often give words of affirmation (oh yeah, sweeeet, awesome) without even thinking about it during a conversation. Sometimes we all just need some subtle feedback to improve our awareness of the impact of our words. Try it....perhaps you will shift from, ouch!!! to sweet!!

The Bystander Impact

Have you ever heard of the bystander effect? Simply put, as more people are present there is a lower likelihood that someone in the group will actually help a person in distress. It has to do with a sense of accountability or ownership in a situation. It is thus easy to shift the responsibility to get involved to "someone else" when there are other people present. You may be thinking like me that I would definitely help someone if there was a cry for help. Studies suggest that you may not be as ready to break from the group and stand up to help out. What if, however, we could leverage the positive power from a group. Instead of shifting responsibility we felt strength in the group and voiced our concern. Wow, what a difference that could make! Perhaps we can change the phenomenon from the bystander effect to the bystander impact... how a bystander can make an impact and how a group can be a positive force for change.

In the Boat!

I just came back from an awesome team building activity for the FCHS Peer Counselors. In one of the activities the peer counselors were asked to get on a platform that resembled a boat that rocked very easily. The goal - to silently get all 22 members on the boat. No words were to be spoken. The group was successful. After the event - words like trust, commitment, and partnering were used to describe the experience. This group is making a difference and living out an example of the possibility of the community. As with any team there will be times of difficulty but they have pledged to remind each other of this experience with three simple words...in the boat. Like the words to a song, emotions suddenly well up as our mind links words with an experience. What core words can help you, your group, or your team refocus and reconnect with a positive experience? In the boat...I like it!

CoreVeritas Blog kicks off

Welcome to CoreVeritas - where we truly believe that there is tremendous power in a small group of people working together for a common purpose.

CoreVeritas is dedicated to supporting individuals in a peer to peer based approach. The world has become data rich and complex. Now, more than ever, there is a need for enhanced self-awareness and bolstering our ability to connect with one another to tap the potential of our collective capacity.

This blog will be dedicated to sharing stories that encourage, equip, and energize each of us to realize the positive power of peers.

Two Paths

I would like to share a very personal story about the power of unconditional positive regard. I recently stood next to the bed in the intensive care unit holding the swollen hand of my older brother. He was only 53 and he was dying. Alcohol, aspiration, and infection make a brutal combination. How did this happen? Why did our lives take such different paths? Watching death unfold has an amazing ability to create clarity. The truth of the matter is that we made choices that continued us down two separate paths. Yet, it was more than just our choices but our coaches and companions early in our lives that had an impact. When I was in High School I was fortunate enough to have several coaches who believed in me and did what great coaches - in sports and in life do - they listened. I can not remember a single word of advice but I do remember the power of their belief in me, their "unconditional positive regard" for me, and the wonderful feeling of simply being heard. Here is a core truth. Right now, this very second, someone feels as if they are all alone. That they have no one who believes in them and so, they no longer believe in themselves. I believe you have the power to listen and share unconditional positive regard...you can connect with at least one other human being in a positive way. I hope you do.